


grow old with me

by pastelgoth



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Baker Harry, F/M, Football Player Louis, Happy Ending, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Pregnant Harry, Teacher Harry, Therapy, Writer Louis, both have some very sad thoughts im sorry, harry's 18 and louis' 19, i changed the age gap to work for this fic ok, louis plays footie for local team, niall is like the ed sheeran of now lol, pregnant harry is so cute don't, proposal, quite sad but i tried to focus on the happy as well so??, so many commas wow, the beginning and end are years after most of the fic ok, they're doing a-levels oh god, zayn and niall are so cute i couldn't help myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-27 03:42:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2677721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelgoth/pseuds/pastelgoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As he watches Harry sit on the floor with his niece and Niall, tickling her until she squeals and begs for him to stop, he wonders how Harry would have been with their baby; wonders how different their lives would be now if they had her.</p><p>~</p><p>or the AU where Louis wonders whether it's time to start expanding their little family seven years after their first heartbreak</p>
            </blockquote>





	grow old with me

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!!! this took me quite a while to write and i have no idea if i am a good writer but i love pregnant harry so.  
> i have never had a miscarriage so my knowledge is very limited about them so i apologise wholeheartedly if any of this is completely wrong. inaccuracies are inevitable. (i based it on women having miscarriages but the detail is small and brief)  
> this fic is sad but it's also a roller coaster ride (so it does get better) ha  
> i would just like to warn that harry and louis both have some very sad and self hatred kind of thoughts midway through but they're over in a flash.  
> the title is from tom odell's song grow old with me because it reminds me of this dumb couple every time i listen to it  
> i hope you enjoy this!!!  
> ♡

“Your kid’s gonna be a heartbreaker Zee.” Louis declares for the millionth time during Lila’s 4 years of life, whilst watching her play with her Uncle Harry and Niall.

“Don’t I know it, already batting the boys off of my princess.” Zayn grumbles as he swigs his beer making Louis laugh.

“Always knew you would with your genes.” Zayn rolls his eyes.

“Imagine if they hadn’t adopted. She’d break hearts even worse. How would that even be possible?” Liam wonders. Zayn throws a pillow at him.

“’cause _that’s_ the reason why we adopted.”

Louis smiles as he listens to them bickering whilst watching Harry sit on the floor with his niece and Niall, tickling her until she squeals and begs for him to stop. Louis wonders how Harry would have been with their baby; wonders how different their lives would be now if they had a baby. “Lou, you okay?” Liam asks when he has been quiet for a bit too long. Louis nods, not taking his eyes off of Harry and Lila, suppressing the threatening tears. “C’mere.” Liam whispers, wrapping an arm around Louis’ shoulders and pressing a kiss against the side of his head.

They always wanted children. Maybe now was time to try again.

 

 

~ _then_ ~

When Harry wakes up to his alarm in mid-March and instantly runs for the bathroom due to feeling sick, he wishes Louis wasn’t at football practise. He’d really appreciate Louis rubbing his back and keeping his hair out of his way whilst he empties his stomach into the toilet, but Jay is there instead. He vaguely hears Phoebe yelling for her mum before Jay is rushing into the room as Harry retches for the last two times.

“Hey Haz.” Jay whispers passing a towel and small cup of water as the toilet flushes whilst Harry leans back against the cold bath.

“’orning.” Harry croaks, wincing slightly at the roughness of his throat.

“What happened hon?”

“Dunno, woke up and just felt sick. Rushed here.” Harry whispers between sips of water. Jay nods.

“Do you feel okay to brush your teeth and shower?” Harry nods with a small smile. “Good babe, I’ll make some breakfast but no college yeah?”

“No, fuck – sorry – I’ve got to go, gotta assessment today.” Harry groans as he wipes his tear streaked face. Jay scowls slightly but nods, remembering Harry mentioning it at dinner the previous night. “I’ll just, just go in and if I feel shit I’ll go home yeah? Don’t tell mum, she’ll just worry at work, I’ll tell her tonight. Promise.” Harry knows Jay will probably crack around 3pm anyway and ring her best friend but at least the majority of his day will be over by then. Jay sighs.

“I’ll make you some plain toast whilst you shower and you can eat with the girls before we leave okay?” Harry nods, smiling. “Feeling a bit better?”

“A bit yeah. Just wanna brush my teeth to be honest.” Jay nods before standing, pulling Harry up with her.

“Mum! Do we need to call Louis?!” Daisy yells from outside the door. Harry rolls his eyes then shakes his head at Jay with a small smile, not wanting to disturb his boyfriend who is at football training like every other morning until 8:30am. This house is completely different to his calm and quiet one in the morning.

“No hon, Harry’s fine, no need to worry him!” Jay calls before lowering her voice, “You’ve got to still tell him though Harry. He’ll go insane if you don’t, love.”

~

“Why didn’t you ring me?! Fuck, H.” Louis shouts in the corridor making Harry roll his eyes before kissing Louis briefly.

“I’m fine, absolutely 100% fine.”

“Why were you sick then?” Louis glares as Harry opens and closes his mouth before sighing.

“Honestly? No idea but look, ‘m fit and healthy right now aren’t I? I’m all good babe.” Harry grins, running a hand through his hair whilst Louis continues to frown at him. “Look I’ve gotta go okay? But I love you and I’ll see you at mine after practise yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck, Haz, you’ve gotta ring me when you’re ill or something okay? Like, I don’t give a shit if you’re feeling better, I want to at least know alright?” Louis frowns when Harry rolls his eyes.

“You’ll just get worried.”

“Quite rightly so!”

“Lou-“

“Harry, just ring me okay? Please? Like, I don’t _care_ if you feel better alright? Please?” Louis pouts and Harry can feel himself giving in. He’s pathetic when it comes to Louis.

“Fine, fine, alright, whatever, I’ll call you if I’m sick again _which I won’t be_. Alright?”

“Yes! Okay, go smash this test and I’ll be at yours for dinner at 6 yeah?” Harry nods with a small smile on his face. “Okay, love you, bye!” Louis calls as he rushes backwards, continuing to grin at his boyfriend before Liam grabs him and pulls him around the corner out of sight.

“You’re fucking weirdos,” Zayn mutters as he pushes himself away from the wall next to Harry and heads into class, “but you better bloody ring him next time you so much have a fucking sniffle.”

~

Harry doesn’t call Louis when he’s sick the next morning.

Or the morning after.

Or the morning after that.

Or when the smell of certain foods starts making him sick.

After three weeks of this every morning occurrence, and twice during college time, Harry has a suspicion as of what’s happening to him but he’s staying far, _far_ away from it. The only person aware of him being sick more than once is Zayn, because the bastard followed him into the bathroom when he was ill during their Literature class after someone bought coffee in.

“How long has it been now H?” Zayn asks as they both sit against the brick wall watching Niall and Louis practise with the local footie team.

“Few weeks.”

“And who knows it wasn’t just that one time?” Zayn asks as he flicks his cigarette, “’cept me.”

“You know it’s just you.” Harry whines because Zayn is purposely being difficult.

“Exactly!” Zayn sighs, “Just me. Not your fucking boyfriend who’s probably got a kid growing inside you.”

“Zayn.”

“Harry.” Harry glares, well attempts to, before closing his eyes with a sigh as he brings his knees up to his chest.

“Babe, c’mon.” Zayn says softly as he scoots closer to Harry, who turns his head so his cheek is pressed into his knee and he’s able to look at his best friend. “If you’re pregnant, really 100% pregnant, then we’re all here for you. It’s all you’ve both ever wanted, but not like this. Don’t keep it a secret for too long. He’d want to go through all the shit with you, y’know? You’ve gotta tell him babe.” Harry knows Zayn is right as he rests his chin on his knees to watch Louis running around the pitch; if Louis doesn’t fucking leave when he finds out, then he’d want all in. It’s one end of the spectrum against the other.

“I’m so fucking scared Zayn.” Harry whispers as he puts his hand between his chest and thighs to rest it on his stomach. “What, fuck, what if he realises he doesn’t want to be with me? What if – I’m _eighteen_ Zayn. He’s nineteen. He’s so fucking excited for Uni, hell, he’s re-sat a year to be able to get to the one he wants. This, fuck, I don’t know what this does. What if he leaves Zayn? I don’t know what I’d do. We’re so fucking young. I’m terrified. And exhausted.” Then it dawns on him. “Fuck, I’m so pregnant.” Harry groans, tears coming thick and fast; out of fear or happiness, he’s not sure.

“Hey now, c’mon.” Zayn murmurs, tugging at Harry until he falls into his chest, the thick smell of smoking instantly hitting Harry.

“You need to stop smoking. For the baby’s sake. And yours.” Harry sobs making Zayn chuckle.

“Anything for baby Tomlinson.” Zayn has a hard exterior but he’s a softy at heart, Harry always knew it. It just makes Harry cry harder, deep and loud sobs racking through him as Zayn rocks him gently, murmuring into his hair until Harry’s being tugged away and up blindly, into another more familiar chest.

“Lou.” Harry croaks into his neck.

“It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay. You can do this.” Louis murmurs, “We can do this.” Harry cries harder; he’s not sure for how long but by the time his breathing has evened out and he’s pulled away from Louis’ chest to wipe his eyes Zayn, Liam and Niall are sitting on the hood of Louis’ car away from them. “Hey babe.” Louis smiles smoothing out Harry’s hair and wiping his face with his hands. “How’re you feeling?”

“Shitty.” Harry laughs slightly, his hand instantly on his baby. Fuck. _A baby_.

“Thought so.” Louis smiles, placing a kiss on his nose. “What was wrong? You sick again?” Harry shakes his head again. _No, no, just pregnant_.

“Just, erm, just stressed, y’know, with the exams in a few months and coursework and Uni offers, like I don’t even know if I want to go anymore but what would I do if I don’t Lou, like you’ll be there and I won’t. I’m so scared.” Harry sighs, substituting baby for college and Uni as he wipes a few tears away.

“Hey, hey, c’mon now love. I’m always here, whether it’s on the end of the phone or right beside you. What’s brought this on now love? We’ve had this discussion so many times now.”

“Just, dunno, was talking to Zayn. Got a bit overwhelmed I suppose.” Harry shrugs, letting his eyes drift over to where Zayn’s sat, watching Harry and Louis closely.

“Well, hey, we’ve got loads of time left. I’m not even sure if I’m definitely going to Uni yet” - Louis says this a lot but Harry’s not dumb, he knows he is – “and if I do, you’re going to be right there or I’m going to be only an hour away and skyping you whenever yeah?” Harry nods. “You’ve _always_ got me babe.”

“Grow old with me.” Harry whispers. Louis kisses him.

~

“Haz, this is the sixth fucking test. They’re all positive babe. It’s official.” Zayn says as he gently hits his head on the toilet door.

“Just one more-“

“If I see your dick one more fucking time Harry, I swear to god.”

“Okay, fine. Fuck.” Harry groans as he slides down the door next to Zayn, leaning against him. He should currently be in English Literature editing his comparative coursework piece. Life would be simpler if that 3000 word essay was the highest priority on his list right now, but it’s not. What is is that he’s having a baby at the end of the year and his partner doesn’t even know yet. He wants to feel happy, _does_ feel happy, but the fright of telling Louis is overwhelming. He’s known Louis since he was 11 years old; he shouldn’t be this scared. He’s having a baby. He’s actually having a baby. A burst of happiness shoots through his chest, making him giggle. “I’m pregnant.” Harry whispers into the silence, other than his giggling. “Zayn, I’m having a baby. I’m going to be a dad and you’re going to be an uncle.”

“The best fucking uncle.”

“And the coolest.”

“Niall with beat you up for that comment.” Zayn says but they’re both now grinning at each other, no longer slumped against each other. “Congrats Haz.” Zayn whispers.

“Fuck.” Harry whispers and then he’s being sick into the toilet. He’s only been awake an hour so he’s not surprised.

“It’s okay.” Zayn is chanting and Harry is wondering if it really is. He doesn’t know.

~

Louis bursts into Harry’s bedroom, ready to scream at his boyfriend _who has been fucking silent all day and told every-fucking-one different fucking things as to why he was staying home and no one’s fucking heard from him since 8am and he’s been worried fucking sick all fucking day because he wouldn’t fucking reply_ until he sees Harry’s lying with his back to the door, arms wrapped around his stomach as he shakes slightly.

“Hey. Hey.” Louis whispers, dropping his bags immediately as he crosses the room to kneel on the bed. “Haz, hey, fuck where were you today?” Harry sniffs but doesn’t reply. “C’mon, something’s been wrong for weeks, what’s wrong babe? C’mon turn over babe.” Louis begs, placing his hand on Harry’s hip.

“Stayed home.” Is all Harry chokes out and Louis wants to _throttle_ him.

“Guessed that babe.” Louis replies calmly as he places kisses on Harry’s bare arm. “You can tell me anything, you know that right?”

“’course.” Harry whispers.

“So what’s going on babe? I know something is.” Louis whispers; he’s _scared_ , has been for weeks because he doesn’t know what’s wrong. Harry’s been withdrawing and Louis is terrified. Harry, dressed in grey joggers and a thin white top, does nothing for a few seconds before he turns onto his back, briefly meeting Louis’ eyes before sitting up and crossing his legs. His eyes are swollen, his hair is a mess, his face is red and blotchy, and Louis loves him so much. “Tell me. Please.” Louis whispers, still on his knees, as he watches Harry. He’s trying not to pressure him but he’s nervous as hell.

“Y’know I was sick like a month back?” Louis nods. “So I, erm, have been being sick like every day since and sometimes when smelling certain foods and during the days. I was tired all the time and y’know, I thought I had a bug for the first week but then it dawned on me that, that.” Harry looks up at Louis who’s pale and wide eyed. “So, I, fuck, Zayn _dragged_ me to get tests as soon as I was awake this morning and I bought like eight for some fucking reason.” Harry laughs nervously. “An hour later I was sat in the bathroom with a bunch of fucking tests telling me the same thing that, erm, we’re having a baby?” Harry laughs again, scared as hell and staring at his hands as he rambles. “Fuck, I know I should’ve told you I was being ill and like, not Zayn, but Zayn’s so fucking observant and I was terrified because we’re so young and working so hard and fuck, our plans Lou-“ Harry’s cut off by Louis cupping his face and kissing him hard and messily, licking into his mouth as he runs his hands all over his arms, hips, chest and finally stomach.

“You’re, fuck, baby. We’re. Baby. Pregnant. Fuck. Yes.” Louis pants between kisses and Harry’s pretty sure he’s kissing back but he’s not a 100% sure because he’s so confused.

“You’re, wait, Lou.” Harry pants, pushing Louis away slightly. “You’re okay? About this?”

“Of course, fuck, Haz we’re having a baby!” Louis beams before dimming his smile a bit. “Are you okay though? Like is this something you don’t want or-“ Harry kisses Louis silent.

“Are you having a fucking giggle? I’ve always wanted kids, babe. Shit, a baby. I was just so scared, you’ve worked so hard for next year and-“

“We’ll work it out yeah? Always do. But, but, I don’t _need_ Uni. I need you and my, fuck, Haz, my _baby_.” Louis says wide eyed before they both grin at each other, teary eyed and overwhelmed.

“Baby.” Harry whispers as Louis lays him on his back, rolling Harry’s shirt up so he can get to his stomach and start placing kisses on the skin, making Harry laugh.

“Baby.” Louis whispers. “Hi.”

~

A month later and Harry still isn’t showing, the doctor says that’s normal but Louis wishes he would just so Harry could stop bloody whining about it the whole time.

Harry’s still being sick in the mornings and sometimes at random intervals throughout the day but they’re dealing with it well; it’s hardly ever been when he’s in class but if Harry has been in one then Louis has rushed to be with him. Harry calls him dumb but Louis argues that they’re both his baby so. Harry pouts a bit harder at that but loves Louis a lot. Harry’s tired a lot more now; he’s shortened his jogs as completing them felt like a chore. The doctor told them that pregnancy affects everyone different, Harry’s just a very tired pregnant person and that it’s normal.

“You okay?” Zayn asks when Jade sets a mug of coffee down opposite them. Harry nods.

“Fine, absolutely fine.” Harry smiles until she peels the lid off the cardboard cup. “ _Shit._ ”

“Go.” Zayn pushes Harry who sprints out of the classroom, through the corridor and to the disabled toilet, throwing up before the door has even swung shut behind him. Louis bursts into the small cubicle not five minutes later to see Harry with his back against the right wall, knees to his chest and head against the wall.

“Hey love. Zayn text me.” Louis whispers, locking the door behind him then passing Harry some mints and a bottle of water.

“’sup.” Harry groans before washing his mouth out with water multiple times. “Don’t think I can keep doing this, running from fucking coffee and what not.”

“C’mon now babe.” Louis sighs, sitting down with Harry and tangling their fingers together. “It’ll all be worth it, won’t it?” Harry nods because he knows it will. His baby is worth hell and back. “Love you so much Haz.”

“Love you too.” Harry says, rolling his head so he can rest it against Louis’ shoulder.

“Grow old with me H.”

“Can’t get rid of me now.” Harry laughs. Louis kisses his forehead.

~

"Just wanna sleep." Harry groans as he collapses onto his bed, slinging his arm over his eyes. Louis sighs as he closes Harry's bedroom door, dropping down next to his boyfriend on the bed.

"You've gotta shorten your shifts or stop working all together. College and work is exhausting you."

"'m fine." Harry grumbles and Louis wants to scream because he's _not_. He's always tired after he's been at work, more so than usual, and it's a bloody mess trying to get Harry to do something other than sleep those nights.

"Haz, I know and understand you love working at the bakery, but you're pregnant and have exams coming up. You need your rest and to take it easy, running yourself into the ground because you feel like you need to work and study isn't doing you any good."

"I can't just stop working Lou."

"Yes you can." Louis says baffled; Barbara, Anne and Louis have had this conversation with Harry multiple times, all explaining that not working for now is _fine_. Harry remains silent for a while, making Louis sigh as he tugs his phone out of his jeans, texting Zayn.

_To: **zaynie** h's being a lil bitch over working again :( :(_

_From: **zaynie** hes being a prat_

_To: **zaynie** a stubbon bastard more like! !!_

_From: **zaynie** youve got to make him realise hes gunna end up on bedrest or some shit like that if he doesnt stop, pls like soon. cant deal with his moaning in lit anymore lol_

"Stop trash talking me with Zayn." Harry grumbles, making Louis jump slightly.

"Stop being a stubborn bastard then. Zayn says to make you realise you'll 'end up on bed rest or some shit', which is true if you knacker yourself out too much. Then how will you be huh? Unable to go to college or work or finish your A-Levels because you'll have to be in bed for a few weeks resting because you're a prat." Louis knows he's kind of bullshitting Harry but he just wants Harry to see their point; that exhausting himself is doing no good. Harry falls silent again.

_From: **zaynie** well?????????_

_To: **zaynie** told him. why did i fall 4 such a stubborn idiot z why ???_

_From: **zaynie** because youre both the fuckin same_

_From: **zaynie** also gd. maybe he ll realise hes being a dumbass_

"If I stop now, can I work when college finishes?" Harry asks quietly, dragging Louis' attention away from Zayn to Harry.

"'course, because then when you’re not working, you'll be taking it slow, not fucking studying or rushing to classes." Harry sighs.

"Fine." He mumbles. "We'll pop into the bakery tomorrow and talk to Barbara, make sure it's okay to do that."

"'is only a few months H."

"I know." Harry sighs.

_To: **zaynie** hes not happy but hes gonna stop working 4 awhile !!!!!! VICTORY Z_

_From: **zaynie** gd luck dealin w/ his mood tonight_

Louis realises Zayn has a point because Harry maybe adorable but he's also a stubbon bastard who will sulk if he doesn't get his own way.

_To: **zaynie** i have methods_

Less than an hour later, once Anne has left to go shopping and Harry has slept for literally 20 minutes, Harry is riding Louis into oblivion with his hands tied behind his back, the work-college situation completely forgotten about.

~

They find a flat together, paying for the first few instalments with the wages Harry had been saving and Louis’ football money, plus money his granddad left him when he died a few years ago. They know they’re set up for as long as they need, with the money from Harry’s job and Louis’ football. “This is gonna be the baby’s room, yeah?”

“I think it’s the perfect room for it.”

“Totally.” Harry grins, sat between Louis’ legs on the floor in the empty white room.

“Right so what’s Zayn got to do then?” Louis asks and just listens to Harry talk slowly for the rest of the night, pitching in when he wants.

They’ve got a baby, they’ve got a home and they’ve got jobs. They’ve got exams soon and the future to worry about but right now, sat on the floor of their baby’s room with the man they love; they’re both happier than they’ve ever been.

~

The first time the baby kicks is during a prep lesson two days before Harry’s final exam. He’s sat on a table with Zayn and Niall, dressed in new jeans (“I refuse to wear jogging bottoms to college Lou, no fucking way.”) and one of Louis’ oversized hoodies when he feels it. “Oh my, shit.” Harry panics for a brief second, grabbing Zayn’s knee with his free right hand.

“What? Haz, you okay? Haz, Haz, what’s-“ Niall asks immediately as Zayn clutches at Harry’s hand on his knee.

“Kicked. The baby it, oh my god. _Feel_.” Harry gasps, the baby kicking again once he puts Zayn’s hand over the spot.

“Holy. Niall, fuck, feel this.” Zayn mutters, wide eyed. Harry’s grinning like crazy at them as the baby kicks again for Niall, and then again. Niall reaches over and takes Zayn’s hand in his, kissing his knuckles.

“Fucking- that’s our goddaughter. Oh my god.”

“Hey little Tomlinson, you’re the first person ever that has made Niall _speechless_.” Zayn laughs as Niall clips him around the head.

“Fuck off tosser.”

“No swearing in front of the baby Niall!” Zayn scolds playfully.

“You- you, I hate you.” Niall glares as Zayn kisses him.

“That’s my, my daughter guys. She kicked. She - fuck I need Lou.” Harry says breathlessly, staring down at his hand on his stomach.

“Wait, what?! Daughter? You found out the sex?”

“What? Oh no, I just think it’s a girl.” Harry grins up at them, rubbing a hand over his bump. He then remembers he’s sat in his Literature class, not hiding his baby bump one bit and talking loudly. He looks around them to see that only Perrie and Jade are in the room, grinning at him, as well as his lecturer.

“Congratulations Harry. The abrupt few trips out of my classroom suddenly make sense.” Caroline, his lecturer who also specialises in fashion studies, nods to him with a soft smile as she, Perrie and Jade walk towards them.

“I, erm, yeah, shit, sorry, thank you I mean.” Harry stumbles over his words, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment.

“With Tomlinson, I assume?”

“Couldn’t get rid of him even if I tried.” Harry grins.

“No you couldn’t.” Caroline laughs, “He adores you from what I’ve seen. Bloody loud about it as well. You’ve got a good one there though. You’re both happy about your little… girl, I believe?”

“So do I.” Harry laughs. “Yeah, over the moon. I was terrified telling him but he was amazing. Always is.”

“Oh god you’re going to be that disgusting happy couple with a bus full of kids in 10 years’ time who everyone wants to be. Ew.” Perrie groans, but then grins.

“We’re so happy for you Haz.” Jade adds. “I kind of guessed though when every time I drank coffee you’d sprint out the room; Google and common sense made me have a feeling you were having a baby. Plus, your hair looks really fucking good long.”

“One of the pros of being pregnant is that my hair’s in amazing condition, which is strange I think.”

“How have you been though? Tired? Sick a lot? Faint?” Caroline asks.

“I’ve been good, yeah, I suppose.”

“He always bloody sleeping.” Zayn says with a smirk.

“Says the guy who sleeps as much as he bloody can and he’s not even pregnant! Wait, you’re not are you?!” Niall panics.

“Ni, think about that for a sec babe, how would that be possible?” Niall grins filthily.

“Are you over your morning sickness now Harry?”

“Yeah, it stopped a few weeks ago thankfully. It was pretty intense but the doctor said it was pretty normal. As these idiots have said, I’m always tired so I’ll go home, sleep and Louis will wake me for dinner. It’s insane, but worth it.”

“Any strange cravings?” Perrie asks with a grin; the girls haven’t stopped grinning. Harry reciprocates the grins always.

“Peas and mint sauce. No idea why. We have stacks of it in the flat, Louis hates it.”

“Flat?” Jade asks.

“We, erm, moved out when we found out. Had been saving for a while for Uni, but well, things changed.” Harry shrugs.

“What are you going to do about Uni Haz? What about teaching?” Perrie asks; everyone knows that Harry wants to become a primary school teacher; he was so excited for the education degree he’d planned to study.

“I’m going to work temporarily in a primary school a few days a week once the baby is born, as well as a couple of small shifts at the bakery whilst Louis does football and studies at the Uni here instead so we don’t have to move. I may do an education degree in a few years, who knows. It’s not necessarily what we wanted but we’ll take our baby over anything in the world honestly.” Harry beams, patting his bump happily.

“As you can see, they’re the most prepared eighteen and nineteen year old parents. I’m disgustingly proud.” Niall grins.

“Well, Harry.” Caroline sighs happily, “I always thought if one of my students got pregnant it would be a big mess of failed hopes and difficulties but, you and Louis seem extremely prepared and happy. I am extremely excited for you. I want many visits from you boys and your little girl.” Caroline has always been his favourite lecturer over the past two years.

“Definitely. I think we’ve surprised everyone with how prepared we are.”

“Not us, we always knew you boys would be the best parents. Been ready since you were 15, Haz.” Jade grins.

“’suppose. It’s so insa-“ The door opens with a bang, interrupting him as Louis rushes in with a huge grin on his face.

“Harry!” Louis yells excitedly, Liam behind him. “Niall text me, holy shit, the baby kicked? What the hell. _Our baby_.” Louis rambles as he slides over a table to get between Harry’s knees, who is still sat on the table, and placing a hand on Harry’s stomach.

“She’s not kicking right now babe, she will later though.”

“But, but, she has to for her daddy.” Louis pouts.

“And she will, just not right this minute, love.” Harry says with a smile, kissing his cheek, ignoring the soft laughter surrounding them.

“She better soon.” Louis mumbles grumpily.

“She will when she wants to, you brat.”

“Hey now love.” Louis frowns before kissing Harry softly. “Love you.” Louis whispers then lets out a strangled gasp as the baby kicks. “Oh my, oh my god. _Harry_ , that’s our _baby_. She just _kicked_.” Louis kisses Harry again, leaving a hand on Harry’s stomach, as the baby kicks for the second time in a row, the other hand coming up to cup Harry’s jaw. “Love you, love you so much, both of you. Fuck.” Louis whispers in awe.

“We have to put up with this every bloody day.” Liam sighs making the small group of people laugh as Harry tucks his head in the crook of Louis’ neck with a giggle. When they pull apart Perrie and Jade jump on them both, hugging them tightly and demanding to see the baby whenever they want to, then Caroline pats Louis on the shoulder with a fond smile.

 

“’m going to fail.” Harry moans an hour later, Louis’ hand resting on his stomach as they both lay on the floor at the back of the classroom (Harry’s aware he may struggle to get up but he’s also very bloody comfortable right now) whilst Zayn, Perrie, Jade, Niall and Liam are sat beside them against the wall; all of them trying to help them study for the exam.

“You’re gonna nail it H, don’t stress.”

“No stressing young man! That baby doesn’t need any stress!” Caroline calls from her desk opposite them.

“Yes Harry, no stressing my baby out. You’re going to do fine. No. Stressing.” Louis scolds.

“I really like your boy Harry, he agrees with me more than you do.” Caroline cackles.

 

“’m so happy.” Harry grins up at Louis minutes later as Caroline argues with the others over bloody Shakespeare (“ _Romeo and Juliet_ was his best play!”

“Don’t offend me like that please Perrie.”

“ _Twelfth Night_ is the best.” Zayn imputes and they begin to bicker again).

“Me too H. I love you and our little girl so much.” Louis says with a smile, planting a few kisses on Harry’s lips.

“What if she’s a boy?”

“Then we’re shit at predicting genders.” Louis laughs making Harry giggle. He’s really fucking happy.

~

It’s the beginning of July, once their exams and college have finished, that Harry feels a sharp twinge in his abdomen for a brief second whilst working. He clutches at the work bench and takes a sharp breath in, then the pain’s gone. Harry sighs, resting back against the bench and starts to take deep breathes until he feels relatively normal again.

“Hey- Harry are you okay?” Barbara asks as she rushes into the kitchen. Harry nods but stays silent as he closes his eyes. He hears Barbara close the door and then feels cold hands on his face. “H, hon, what’s wrong?”

“I felt, fuck, this massive twinge through my stomach but then it was gone, instantly. Just winded me is all.” Harry whispers.

“How many have you had?” Harry can hear the worry in her voice; he doesn’t want worry, he doesn’t want to feel worried.

“Just one, ‘m fine.” Harry says, opening his eyes and smiling. He knows what she’s thinking, he’s thinking it too, but they’re _fine_.

“If you’re shit at convincing yourself love, then imagine how I must feel right now. You should see a doctor hon.”

“No, ‘m fine.”

“Harry…”

“If I have another I’ll go to the doctor’s okay?” Barbara frowns but nods with a sigh; she knows how stubborn Harry can be. Harry smiles, kisses her cheek and plods off out front to serve. He’s fine.

It’s 20 minutes later when he’s serving a customer that he has another one. He slams his fist down and winces, “ _shit_ ”, through tears as he squeezes his eyes shut.

“Harry, Harry, love, come on, come here.” Barbara says, grabbing his elbow and wrapping an arm around his waist, moving him with painful force to a chair. He can hear Julia, another middle aged women he works with, serve the customer who asks if he’s okay. “Oh, Harry. We’ve got to get you to the hospital right away. Julia, call 999 please.”

“What, no!” Harry grits out about to open his eyes when another cramp shoots through him. “ _Oh my god. Fuck, shit, bollocks._ ”

“Love, you’re bleeding.” Barbara tells him quietly.

“No. Please, no.” Harry sobs until the ambulance arrives and he’s rushed off to hospital.

~

Five days later he waddles into his and Louis’ flat and heads straight to the bedroom, leaving Louis, Gemma and Anne with all the bags. Louis goes to follow but Anne grabs his wrist, “Leave him be for a while, love.” Louis nods and pads into the kitchen area instead, flicking the kettle down as Gemma and Anne move throughout the apartment. He’s already called into work, telling them what has happened and they were more than happy to give him as many weeks off training with half pay as he needs. He wishes Liam was here, or Niall, or Zayn, or his mum. He loves Anne but he needs _his_ mum and her hugs right now.

_To: **mum xx** can u come over soon pls ?? xxxxxx_

_From: **mum xx** of course baby. Just waiting for dan to come home from work. Love you xxxxx_

Louis lets out a sigh of relief, willing the tears to go away, just as some touches his elbow.

“Move Lou, I’ll do the tea.” Gemma says and Louis moves without a word. “He does this when he’s sad. He’ll be deadly silent for as long as he needs to be. Don’t make him talk until he’s ready, it’ll just make him worse.” Louis knows this. He wants to snap, tell Gemma that’s he’s known her brother since he was 12 years old and Harry was 11; he knows how he copes when he’s sad, but for the first time in his life he doesn’t have it in him. Gemma’s still talking, trying to fill the silence but it’s just words.

Nothing can change anything.

“Baby boy.” Jay sighs when Louis opens the door an hour later, tugging on his hair slightly with a watery smile.

“Mum.” Louis barely manages to whisper before he’s crying into his mum’s chest, thankful for the familiarity of it.

Jay, Gemma and Anne leave hours later when it’s nearly midnight, kissing Harry, who has been curled up in bed since they got home, goodbye and hugging Louis tightly. He’s been sat in the lounge with all of them, wrapped in his mum’s arms all evening, trying to hold it together.

When he goes to bed a little after 1am Harry’s lying on his back staring up at the ceiling blankly. Neither of them say a word as Louis undresses and slides into the bed. Louis notices that Harry’s wearing a shirt to bed for the first time in over a year and he feels a few tears slide down his cheeks which he wipes away as quick as possible before staring up at the ceiling as well.

Neither of them sleep well that night.

~

Louis wakes after a fretful sleep at just gone 10am to find Harry’s side of the bed cold. He gets out of bed, dresses in one of Harry’s t-shirts and joggers, and pads into the kitchen and living area to find Harry curled up in the window seat clutching a mug of tea. Louis flicks the kettle down, pads over to Harry and then wraps an arm around his shoulders, kissing the side of his head. Harry sighs. They spend the day in silence and tiny touches.

~

The week continues the same; both barely sleep, neither talk and barely touch. Harry winces as he walks still, a constant reminder of what he’s been through.

~

12 days after they’ve returned home, Harry reaches out and threads their fingers together as they lay awake in bed. Louis squeezes just as hard as Harry does, anchoring each other.

~

Two days after that, Harry talks for the first time as he’s sat in the window seat, clutching a mug of tea with Louis’ chest pressed against his back and arm wrapped around his shoulders. He feels safe.

“I miss her.” Harry whispers.

“Me too.”

“I feel empty.”

“I love you.” They’re silent with each other for the rest of the day.

~

Harry spends most of his time curled up in bed, silent. He’ll move from the bed to the window seat and back to bed again.

Louis continually presses kisses to Harry’s body; his fist, his nose, the top of his head, his forehead, his knee; anyway he can, he will show his affection for Harry, to remind him he’s not alone.

Harry never responds but he appreciates the small gestures.

~

Zayn, Niall and Liam visit every day, as well as their mothers, and hug them both as hard and long as they can. “You’re both so brave, so brave.” Zayn whispers every day. Like a mantra.

“The only brave one is Harry.”

“But you’re brave in a different way. You still lost your little girl.” Niall says softly, Zayn’s arm wrapped around his shoulders.

“Yeah, but he lost her from- from. He had to give _birth_ to her. It’s different.” Louis says, for the first time out loud. He cries for the next hour and Liam doesn’t let go of him.

~

When Harry was 14 and Louis was 15, they first kissed. It was clumsy, messy and too much teeth, but perfect and neither of them have regretted it since.

At Harry’s senior school prom, Louis snuck in so that he and Harry could at least have one dance together. Harry kissed him in front of his whole year to the song _Grow Old with Me_ by Tom Odell and no one could have cared they were both guys.

“Grow old with me.” Harry sings.

“Let us share what we see.” Louis sings back before kissing Harry again, the fear of others watching and judging completely gone. “Grow old with me Haz?” Louis whispers once the song has changed and they’re still swaying together. Harry starts laughing before realising Louis is _asking_ him something. Harry nods frantically, wide eyed and over the moon before kissing him in reply. It becomes their thing.

~

“Grow old with me.” Harry whispers 39 days after they’ve returned home as they sit tangled together in the window seat.

“Couldn’t not if I tried H.” Louis murmurs back, and kisses Harry’s knee with a smile.

They’re getting there, slowly but it’s happening.

~

4 days later they’re both lying on their bed, Louis being the bigger spoon, when Harry sighs. “We’ve got to do something about her bedroom.”

“What?”

“Pips room; we’ve gotta paint it or something.”

“I- I- I thought you’d want to move back home and sell or something.” Louis says quietly, placing two kisses in between Harry’s shoulder blades.

“Why?”

“Well, this was where we’d planned to raise our baby and now, now we’re not.” Louis whispers softly, ignoring the pain that shoots through his chest at voicing it out loud. Harry doesn’t reply for a while, just moves his hands over Louis’ and holds them tightly.

“Maybe, maybe this can be where we rebuild our lives, together. Always got a home here, if you want.”

“Always babe.” Louis reassures, kissing between Harry’s shoulder blades a few times before tightening his arms around Harry’s waist. He hasn’t lost all his baby weight yet, hasn’t even tried, so he is still just a tiny bit fatter than he used to be. Louis loves and hates it. “You’re my home idiot, growing old with you remember?” Harry laughs slightly, followed by a sniff.

“Sap.”

“Love you.”

“So much.”

~

It’s mid-September, three days after Harry’s started working half days at the bakery again (“I can work all day Barbara, I was pregnant not ill.” Harry had pouted. Barbara and Louis rolled their eyes at each other.

“No babe, just half days for a few weeks. Please? Just for my sake?”

“But-“

“Haz, just take it easy for a while yeah? The past few months have been- tough, on you. Taking a while to get back into the craziness of this place will be good, love.” Louis had interrupted, squeezing Harry’s hip. Harry frowned down at Louis, his hair shaggy and covered in Harry’s beanie, before kissing Louis’ forehead with a sigh.

“Yeah, o-ok, fine.”

“Stubborn isn’t he?”

“Don’t I know it.” Louis grinned as Harry laughed. Louis had missed his laugh a lot) that he remembers their A-Level results were posted home the other week. He’d completely forgotten. None of the boys or girls has mentioned them when visiting. Louis hasn’t either, nor his impending move to Uni away from Harry; he’s just been training with the local football club, just how he did when they were at college.

“Babe?” Louis calls as he crashes through the flat door just before 9am.

“In ‘ere.” Harry replies as he wraps a scarf around his head and shrugs on a blazer.

“Hey love, I’ll meet you at 2 yeah?” Louis smiles to himself as he wraps his arms around Harry’s waist and stands on his tiptoes to hook his chin over Harry’s shoulder. Harry meets his eyes in the mirror with a small smile.

“Please, yeah, if that’s alright?”

“’course. Might have a surprise for you as well.” Harry tilts his head to rest on top of Louis’ with a curious smile.

“Like what?”

“It’s a surprise Harry. Not gonna give it away now am I, love?” Louis grins.

“But-“ Harry pouts.

“Haz.” Louis laughs.

“ _Fine_.” Harry sighs and Louis rolls his eyes because he’s in love with an _idiot_.

~

Harry found it hard being back at the bakery the first few days; the constant reminder of where he lost his baby. His blood is long gone but he can still picture it, how it had dripped over the tiles, following him like a trail. He feels nauseous when he remembers.

He’s started seeing a therapist twice a week; something Liam had suggested when he was still only saying a few words to anyone who wasn’t Louis. He was reluctant at first but he’s found that it has helped him start to come to terms with what happened. He still feels the blame though for losing his child, he still feels the heaviness on his chest every day, he still thinks about how far gone he would be now, he still thinks about how big his stomach would be now. He misses his little girl a lot.

He knows she’s buried just down the road but visiting Pippa’s grave _hurts_. It hurts more than child birth did.

He knows how rare miscarriages are five months into a pregnancy yet somehow, it happened. He wants to curl into a ball and cry most of the time but he can’t, he has to keep pushing forward. He misses his baby a lot but he also knows that he can get through this; he will always love her no matter what.

The bakery is a constant reminder of what happened but working there during the week is helping his state of mind and allowing him to come to terms with his, their, loss in his own way.

He’s always loved the bakery.

He still does, just a bit less.

~

“Louis! Here to pick up the boy?” Barbara says from out front, letting Harry know that his shift is over.

“I am, I am. How’s he been today?”

“A bit quiet but that’s not unusual at the moment. I don’t know if being here is helping or not, I mean this place is where he.” Barbara coughs and Harry wants to cry. “He’s so strong though.”

“The strongest.” Louis agrees making Harry smile as he rests his head against the wall, taking a few deep breaths.

“I’m so proud of you both.” Barbara says over the quiet murmur of the last few customers leaving.

“’m so proud of him too. He’s so strong, I’m in awe of him.”

“Me too, but not just of him. You too. I’m proud of both of you.” Barbara says.

“What? Be proud of him, not me, he, he lost her and he’s coping unbelievably well. He’s brave and strong even when he doesn’t feel like being it. It’s amazing to watch. I’m in fucking awe of him constantly because he’s gone through hell and back and kept me around at the same time, whilst still working and making time for our families. He’s who we should be proud of, _are_ proud of, not me.” Louis argues.

“Hey no.” Harry frowns, rounding the corner to come into view of Louis and Barbara making them both jump. “She was your baby too. You still lost her.”

“Yeah but-“

“I carried her, I know. I gave birth to her, I know. But Lou, babe, she was your baby too. She was _our_ daughter. It wasn’t just me who lost their child, you did too. We sat there together and cried; I cried to you and you’ve cried to me. People can be proud of you too, you’re just as strong as I am.”

“No but-“

“Louis. Listen to him.” Barbara interrupts. “He’s correct. You may not have been carrying Pip but she was your baby too. You loved her and spoke to her and made plans with Harry to raise her, you still lost a child as well. Harry’s brave but god, so are you. You _both_ lost your daughter. You have every right to be upset and we have every right to be proud of you both.” Harry has known Barbara since he was 9, a friend of his mum, Louis has known her since Harry took him to meet her when they had only been friends for a few weeks; she knows them like they’re her sons. Harry feels like he _sees_ Louis’ resolve collapse.

“I just, I feel like.” Louis gulps and Harry can see, even from the other end of the counter that Louis is crying. “I feel like he was so strong and I was useless. I didn’t give birth, I didn’t fucking carry her around for 5 months, I just, just watched him struggle. That’s all I did and I’m still a fucking mess. I just feel so, so dumb. I loved, _love_ , her so much but he- Harry you went through so much and I’m so proud of you. I feel like I shouldn’t be this upset because you, you went through.” Louis is sobbing now, the few customers that were in earlier have left, and Harry’s heart aches. He never knew he felt like this. He never fucking knew. He sensed something but he never _knew_.

“You went through _so_ much y’know? And I, I didn’t have that physical suffering like you did, do. And I know I’m wrong, god I know. I know I’m allowed to feel this upset, _she was my daughter_ but, but I just feel. I feel like, up here, that I shouldn’t be because I didn’t have to go through half as much as you did. I, I don’t know. Fuck, I’m so sorry.” Louis laughs but it’s bitter and he’s still crying. Harry rushes over to him, dropping his coat on the floor as he goes, and folds his boy into his chest.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” Harry chants as he cries. Louis’ shaking, crying into Harry’s chest harder than Harry’s ever heard him cry before. “I knew, fuck, I knew something was bothering you, could feel it but. Lou.”

“’m sorry, ‘m sorry, ‘m so sorry.” Louis gasps, pulling away from Harry’s chest to look up at him as Harry runs his hands over the sides of his face.

“No, no apologising. You should’ve told me but, but, I love you. Yeah I carried her but she was your baby too. Of course you have a bloody right to mourn her just as much as I do.”

“I know. _I know_ , it’s just my brain keeps making me feel like. I know it’s wrong.” Louis says as Harry kisses his forehead.

“I think you should come to therapy with me today. Talk to Louise about it, please.” Harry murmurs. Louis is silent for a few seconds before nodding with a sigh, resting against Harry’s chest again. They stay together for a few minutes until Barbara gives them both a mug of tea each and then makes them leave so that they’re on time to therapy.

“Don’t think it’ll be anything as bad as earlier.” Louis smiles, eyes red and sore. Barbara laughs and kisses them both goodbye before pushing them both out of the door.

~

“I look like such shit, why are we in public? Oh my god Harry can’t we just go home?”

“Nope, we’re having coffee like we planned.” Harry grins, pulling Louis into the coffee house.

“But Harry.” Louis whines, “You’re not the one who’s been crying most of the day.” He pouts.

“I cried!”

“Not as much.” Harry rolls his eyes at his idiot of a boyfriend before walking off, ordering them both drinks, watching Louis talk on the phone as he waits. The therapy session went okay, it was focused on them both today whereas normally Louis has just sat in, imputing when he felt he needed to. He feels better compared to beforehand, now that he knows exactly how Louis is feeling. They’re struggling but they’re okay.

When Harry walks over to Louis he smiles at him as he settles the drinks down. “We’re okay, hm. No it was good. Ni we’re fine. Tell Zayn to piss off.” Louis cackles, “No, no. Okay, yeah tell ‘im tonight, ‘bout 7 yeah? Alright, see you.”

“7?”

“They’re crashing our night, if that’s okay?” Louis asks a little hesitantly; Harry still struggles being around people who aren’t customers or Louis sometimes but he’s getting there with his best friends. It’s been hard on them all, Harry withdrawing from everyone, but they understand.

“’course, yeah, think we need it after today.” They’re quiet for a while, sipping their drinks and taking in the atmosphere until Harry remembers something from this morning. “Have you checked you’re A-level results?” Louis freezes before nodding slowly.

“Y-yeah I did. I didn’t know how to tell you, like, we were so bad at the time and I completely forgot then. But then, I found the letters like a week ago and opened mine.”

“And?” Harry asks with a smile.

“And what?”

“How’d you do?”

“Oh.” Louis grins bigger than Harry’s seen in hours, “Two B’s and a C.”

“Fuck, oh my god Lou that’s- you did so well, I’m so proud.” Harry grins, tangling their fingers together across the table.

“Thanks. I remember stressing for so long over them but now, in the grand scheme of things, they’re nothing.”

“Well, they’re your ticket to Uni in a few weeks so they’re not _nothing_. How’d the others do?” Harry smiles, despite feeling like his world is starting to end all over again.

“What? What do you-“ Louis shakes his head, “Zayn got two B’s and an A, Liam same as me and Niall got two C’s and an A.”

“So Zayn and Liam are off?”

“Shit, they were going to tell you tonight but erm, none of them are going?” Louis says, making it sound like a question, not the statement it is.

“What the- why?”

“Zayn decided to stay on and do a BTEC in teaching; it’s some new one they’ve added so he started last week. Niall’s working at his parents’ card shop and doing gigs like he planned and Liam’s started to teach swimming at the swimming pool. I have no idea what Liam is doing honestly but he’s happy so it’s all fine.” Harry feels so out of the loop; he knew none of this, he feels like he’s missed all the important things in his friends’ lives. Then he realises he _has_ missed it all.

“Fuck, I’ve missed so much- fuck.” Harry whispers, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

“Hey now.” Louis says, tightening his grip on Harry’s hand, “You’ve been through a lot. We’ve both missed a lot and we have the best fucking friends because they understand, that’s why they were going to tell you tonight. It’s fine, alright?” Harry stares at Louis for a few seconds before nodding slowly.

“Alright.” Harry smiles before taking a deep breath. “So when are you off?”

“What?” Louis freezes.

“When you going to Uni? Like, it’s gotta be in the next few weeks at the latest.” Harry shrugs. Louis is staring at Harry with raised eyebrows. “What?”

“Haz, are you joking?”

“What? No! I know when Uni starts; I was going to go remember?”

“How can- you honestly think I’m still going? Haz, I didn’t look at my results until _last week_. I completely missed the deadlines, haven’t spoken to my Uni’s in months; neither of us have. I’m not leaving and neither are you.”

“I may.”

“Harry, neither of us contacted them. We’re not going, we can’t.”

“Shit, _shit_. ‘m so sorry, I should’ve reminded you-“

“Haz! This isn’t your fault!” Louis says, frustrated. “I didn’t look because I was too upset as well. We were _both_ upset. I’m staying right here with you, Niall’s parents have offered me a job for three days a week at the shop and I’ve got training and matches. ‘m staying right here alright? You’ve _got_ to stop blaming things on yourself!”

“I feel like such a failure for not going.” Harry mutters.

“We lost our baby Harry. You’re not a failure, you never ever will be. We’ve had the best, then absolute _worst_ year ever.”

“I feel like I’m to blame.” Harry says and _fuck_ , now he’s crying in a _coffee shop._

“Harry, no. No way. You’re not to blame. It’s rare, having a miscarriage at five months, but it happens. There was nothing you could do to prevent it; I promise it wasn’t your fault, and neither is this. Uni isn’t the end of the world, losing our baby on the other hand.”

“It was so horrible giving birth Lou; she was there for days and I knew she was there but not breathing, still inside of me and I just had to wait. You were there and I could see how withdrawn and distraught you were. It was so, _fuck_.” Harry cries, wiping his tears away furiously. He’s really glad they decided to sit in the corner of the coffee shop.

“You were my first priority, you were carrying her.”

“But she was yours too.” Harry sniffs.

“I love you so much.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It _wasn’t_ your fault.”

“I- I know.”

“But do you? Five minute ago-”

“I think- I’m starting to realise it now, like right here right now.”

“Good.” Louis smiles slightly as he kisses Harry’s knuckles a few times.

“So no Uni?”

“Not yet anyway.”

“I don’t even wanna check my results yet. Maybe Uni next year?” Harry asks.

“We’ll see how we both are, yeah?”

“Alright. I start at the primary school in November though so you never know, I may like that and decide to not go to Uni.”

“Exactly, things can change.”

“Yeah, and maybe we’ll have a family like Perrie describes; a bus full of kids eventually.” Harry smiles.

“You still want one?” Louis asks in shock; they hadn’t discussed having a family since before the miscarriage. Harry nods.

“100%. We’ve got one daughter already, we just need 9 more to fulfil Pez’ prediction.” Harry says quietly as he pulls his hand away from Louis’ and pushes his hair away from his face.

“I love you so much.” Louis whispers as he stands and leans over the table to kiss Harry.

“Can’t believe I just sat crying in a coffee shop.”

“So in one day I’ve cried in the bakery and you in a coffee shop. Progress I suppose, new setting and all.” Louis laughs as Harry rolls his eyes. It’s been an emotional day but progress, yeah.

~

On November 1st Harry wakes up to an empty bed and a heavy heart. He can hear murmurs coming from the kitchen and he knows he should join the people out there but instead he turns over onto his side and wraps his arms around his stomach.

Today he was supposed to be barely able to move. Today he was supposed to struggle to get out of bed. Today he was supposed to be irritated and barely able to walk. Today he was supposed to go through the pain of giving birth. Today he wasn’t supposed to be able to wrap his arms around his waist.

He’s been awake for three minutes and everything feels extremely wrong already.

He stares down at his flat stomach. It shouldn’t be flat. It should have bloomed at some point. He should be massive, aching and tired yet excited for the new addition to their family. “It shouldn’t be flat.” Harry whispers through tears, scratching at the skin until it is red and raw. “It shouldn’t, it shouldn’t be flat.”

“Harry?” Louis says from the doorway, making Harry jump and turn onto his back to look at him. Louis’ eyes dart to where Harry’s hands are then back up to Harry’s face before kicking the door gently closed, jaw clenched. Harry prepares himself for yelling, for anger but Louis crawls over Harry and rests back on Harry’s thighs, removing his hands from his stomach. “Babe.” Louis whispers as he softly touches the red skin.

“Shouldn’t be flat Lou, it shouldn’t be flat.” Harry whimpers as he wipes his tears away furiously.

“I know love, I know.” Louis whispers before shuffling down the bed to lie between Harry’s legs, placing gentle kisses over the red skin. “I love you, and I love that this is where our baby was.”

“Today I was supposed to.”

“I know, fuck I know.” Louis whispers against Harry’s stomach. They stay like this, Louis planting soft kisses over Harry’s stomach as they both let a few tears and sentences slip, for nearly 30 minutes until Louis suggests a shower. Louis pulls Harry out of bed gently and towards their bathroom which is connected to their bedroom. Harry follows, gripping Louis’ hand before sitting on the toilet lid, watching Louis adjust the shower temperature, then strip.

“C’mon babe, get in the shower, yeah?” Louis says making grabby hands for Harry. Harry laughs but strips and joins him. “I’ll wash your hair yeah?” Louis murmurs against Harry’s shoulder.

“Please.” Harry whispers. As Louis washes Harry gently, placing kisses on the clean skin, Harry smiles slightly at just how lovely Louis is, caring for him. “Let me now.” Harry tries, knowing Louis is just as fragile as he is today, but Louis shakes his head.

“Nope. I’ve already showered today babe, I just wanted to care for you.” Louis says as he turns the shower off.

“But-“

“H, you were clawing at your stomach. You needed something to calm you down and I knew kisses and a shower would.” Louis smiles slightly. Harry loves him a lot.

They dry each other off slowly, between kisses and murmurs about the other, making each other smile and laugh, despite the day. They dress slowly in each other’s clothes; both in jogging bottoms, Harry in one of Louis’ oversized hoodies and Louis in Harry’s black t-shirt. “Who’s here?” Harry asks just before they leave the bedroom, remembering the voices from earlier which are now slightly hushed.

“Both our mums, Gem, Pez, Jade and the boys. Leigh and Jesy couldn’t come because of work but they text me.” Louis smiles, running his hands from Harry’s shoulders down to his hands before tangling their fingers together.

“That’s- ‘m glad they’re here but I’m glad we got this time together.”

“Me too babe.” Louis smiles, kissing Harry before he pulls him out into the open planned lounge and kitchen area where their friends and family have made their selves at home; both their mums are stood in the kitchen talking with Liam and Perrie whilst Gemma is sat watching a film with Jade, Zayn and Niall. Niall is laid across the sofa, resting against Zayn’s chest whilst Zayn sleeps like normal when they have a movie day. It’s nice to see some things don’t change.

“Boys.” Anne greets the two of them as they hold hands walking into the room. Everyone (except Zayn) looks over to them.

“Thought you may ‘ave drowned.” Niall says, jolting Zayn awake as their mums start talking to them, dragging them towards the kettle.

“What?” Zayn grumbles, snuggling further into the couch and pulling Niall a little closer.

“Nothing babe, go back to sleep.” Niall whispers, kissing his arm unaware that both boys are smiling whilst watching them _and_ trying to listen to their mothers; it took a while for Niall and Zayn to admit they had feelings for each other but over a year later they were still the most balanced couple Harry and Louis know.

“Mum ‘m fine now, I just want to relax for the day yeah?” Harry pleads minutes later whilst Louis is talking with Gemma.

“I know babe and we will just, today must be- I can’t imagine.”

“Yeah it’s horrible but that’s why Lou invited you all, I didn’t want to spend it on my own or working and neither did he.”

“How does your head feel though Haz? Like I know you were both having these, thoughts.” Jay says, trying for delicate. They’ve both started having joint therapy sessions once a week since that first time because of the thoughts they were having.

“We’re-“ Harry looks over at Louis with a smile, then back to Anne and Jay, “We’re alright. Today I feel guiltier than I have for a while but I, I know it’s because of the day. I know deep down that I wasn’t to blame but it’s just, hard.” Harry shrugs, sipping his tea. “We’re getting there.” And they really are.

Later that evening, once their mothers and the girls have had to leave, all five of them are sat around the TV watching a film when Harry talks from where he and Louis are lying on the sofa wrapped in a blanket. “We’d probably have a screaming baby right now if everything went how it should have.” They’re silent for a while, not knowing what to say before Liam sighs,

“I miss her, she was going to be my goddaughter and I was planning to spoil the fuck out of her y’know?”

“Hm. We’d already planned the gifts we were going to buy her didn’t we Zayn? She was going to be the most spoilt little girl in the world.” Niall mumbles.

“Yeah, fuck, I had her room all planned out as well y’know? Like I knew what you’d want and what you’d hate and it was going to be so perfect. Everyone was so prepared for her y’know? Like we’re only eighteen but we knew how we were going to cope. We’d planned that we were going to go to the local Uni for a year right? Then, once you’d both got the hang of things a little, we were going to transfer out, weren’t we Li?” Zayn says, shocking Harry and Louis because they’d never found out about these plans.

“Yeah, like our parents were doubtful about us doing this but you and baby Tomlinson was our priority. We’d already spoken to the college and they told us how to tell our Uni’s our plans and everything was just getting sorted then, then, it wasn’t happening anymore.” Liam sniffs. “Ni was going to be here anyway and he was adamant he’d help out every bloody day.”

“I was damn sure I was going to be her favourite uncle over these two tossers.”

“We know Ni.” Zayn laughs slightly.

“But like, you were both so ready to have your baby. You were, still are, going to be brilliant parents. You loved her so much and fuck, we were all ready for your bundle of joy. We were going to be sleeping here if you needed us, baby sitting if you needed us; we were prepared to do _anything_. I just, I miss those plans.” Liam chokes out. Louis burrows his face into Harry’s chest as they silently cry.

“You didn’t have to change your plans. You were prepared to, like, change your life for us, fuck. But thank you _so_ much for just like, everything.” Harry chokes out.

“We love you guys so much.” Louis murmurs, then suddenly they have three other boys surrounding them. All five of them fall asleep like that on November 1st, wrapped around each other on the floor with pillows and duvets.

~

Christmas is difficult; fun, but difficult. Neither of them can help but imagine how different it would be, how they should have their little girl with them at their flat, with their families. Instead they spend Louis’ birthday at his parents’ home surrounded by the girls, then leave at 11am on Christmas day to spend the rest of the day at Anne and Robin’s and boxing day.

When they return home Harry instantly goes to their bedroom without saying a word to Louis. It eerily reminds him of the day they returned home from the hospital without their baby.

“Haz?” Louis calls, dropping his bag on the floor in front of the door.

“One sec.” Louis sighs as he makes tea; they’ve had a quiet few days between the two of them. He thinks Harry’s okay, knows he’d tell him if he wasn’t but it’s been an emotional couple of days. Harry pads out of the bedroom a few minutes later and places a pink box on the counter in front of Louis. “What’s this?”

“Open it.” Harry says, scratching the back of his neck. Louis sighs but does as he’s asked. He looks up at Harry with wide eyes.

“What- H, what is all this?”

“The, _fuck_ , when I was pregnant I’d just see all this clothing that I knew I wanted Pip to wear and like, I was going to show you at some point, probably when you moaned that we had to go shopping and I’d surprise you because I’d already done most of it. And then, I, I- it wasn’t ever the right time y’know? There was always so many bad days but in the past month, they’ve lessened slightly, kind of, that I decided, especially over Christmas and you turning 20, that I’d show you it now.” Harry shrugs.

Louis can feel himself nodding but he’s transfixed on the small outfits he’s pulling out of the box; a mixture of pale blues, cream, pinks, yellows and oranges. Harry’s always had a good eye for clothing but Louis cannot believe how beautiful the outfits are. “What are you- why- Haz.”

“I just, I feel like, not now, but maybe in the future we can use these clothes. Not now, but maybe we could keep them and then use them in the future? I know we’ve had the shittiest year but, but, I think I’d want another baby just- give me some time, yeah?” Harry’s rambling, Louis is fully aware of this, but Harry’s actively imagining their future with more babies and Louis is so overwhelmed. He remembers Harry telling him he’d want more babies that one time but he never thought Harry would be planning when for many more months, maybe _years_.

“What, what are you trying to say?” Louis chokes out, playing with the clothing but making sure his eyes never leave Harry’s face. Harry bites his bottom lip with a tiny smile before talking.

“I want another baby. I want one in the next few years, not in 10 years’ time like I’m pretty sure you’ve convinced yourself it’s going to be, but soonish. Not _right now_ , but soonish.”

“What, what about Uni? Your plans?”

“Lou, we’ve got a year at least y’know? If you agree. Like, there’s a local Uni and the teaching. I just, fuck, my future seemed so important but this past year has taught me that the one thing I want most in the whole world is a family, with you.” Louis stares at Harry for a few seconds before he smashes their lips together, kissing Harry furiously because _future_ , and _babies_ and _with him_.

“Yes, yes, a million times yes, whenever you want, whenever you’re ready. I want a brood of children with you. I want to be that married couple who have so many children that we need two cars, maybe a _bus_. I- fuck, I love you. Grow old with me Haz.” Louis rambles before kissing Harry again and again and again. “I love you so much, and our little girl and our many, many children to come.”

~

A year later, on Louis’ 21st birthday, they’re both stood in the kitchen kissing and laughing, Harry’s arms around Louis waist and Louis’ hands on either side of Harry’s jaw as he plants many kisses on his lips when Louis casually mumbles, “Fuck I love you. Marry me Haz.”, making Harry freeze, eyes wide, before breathlessly asking,

“What?” This wasn’t how Louis had been planning to ask but he kind of loves the simplicity of it. If Harry says yes that is.

“Shit, this wasn’t how I was going to but- marry me Haz. Marry me, please. I, I have the ring in the bedroom and I, fuck, I love you so much. You’re the person I want to spend my life with and have more children with and just fuck, you’re becoming a teacher and we have _plans_ and marrying you is a plan I _need_ in my near future. I can’t say a sappy, long, romantic speech because I don’t know where I would even start. You’ve been everything and more since I was 12 years old so, _bloody hell_. Please, Harry Edward Styles, the light of my fucking life, please will you grow old with me?” Louis is pretty sure he’s shaking.

“We always called Pip ‘baby Tomlinson’ so I can’t really say no can I?” Harry grins before whispering, “A thousand times yes, Lou. Fuck yes.”

Louis spends the morning of his 21st birthday fucking Harry in the kitchen, shower and bedroom before driving to his parents’ house, literally _yelling_ the news as soon as they walk in the house. Which is filled with friends and family for his surprise birthday party. “Oh, shit, hi.” Louis mumbles, surprised, to all their friends and family who are stood in shock, wide eyed and silent.

“Engaged?” Jay murmurs. Louis suddenly realises he was going to tell her about his plan today. Well, fuck.

“Lou asked me this morning.” Harry grins from beside him. Harry notices his mum isn’t shocked in the slightest.

“You bloody knew!” Niall says diverting everyone’s attention to him as he spins on his heel to look at Zayn.

“What?! Me? Never.” Zayn denies but he’s bloody grinning.

“You fucking- I knew it, I knew you knew something I didn’t.” Niall glares.

“Hey now, I swore him to secrecy.” Louis interrupts, an arm wrapped around Harry’s waist as his hand rests on the edge of his stomach. It’s a habit he picked up during the pregnancy which he’s never stopped. Harry’s glad.

“I’ve, I’ve been freaking out! You absolute _bastard_ Tomlinson. Congratulations you prats.” Niall grins.

“Freaking out? Niall-“ Zayn tries but Niall just talks louder, ignoring him, as he moves away from his boyfriend.

“I mean we all saw it coming, but congrats!” He says before hugging them both, snapping everyone out of their shocked haze and the room suddenly erupts into loud cheers and laughter. Louis notices Zayn grab Niall by the elbow once he’s congratulated them both, winking at Louis because he had to go ring shopping _six_ fucking times (as well as making Liam come along to approve of the final choice of ring), and drag him into a corner. Louis watches them talk animatedly for a few seconds before Zayn literally pushes Niall against a wall, not giving a damn that they’re in a room full of people, and kiss him quiet.

“Niall’s been texting me for weeks, worried Zayn was going to dump him or something.” Harry says behind Louis, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Bloody idiot, pretty sure Zayn would _kill_ for him.”

“Or kill him, which he may do if he doesn’t let him bloody breathe at some point. Are we that disgusting? Do we kiss for that long? Is that even _possible_?” Harry asks.

“Trust me; you’re a thousand times worse.” Liam laughs as he approaches them with Sophia, his girlfriend of three months.

“Well, we’re getting married now so we’re going to be _even worse_.” Louis grins before he turns in Harry’s arms and kisses him, just to prove the point.

 

 

~ _now_ ~

Once they return home Harry offers to make them tea after Louis mumbles he wants to change into something more comfortable. He pads through the small house they bought when they married five years ago to their bedroom, picking up the framed ultrasound picture of their baby and sitting on the edge of the bed.

It’s been seven years since the miscarriage and Louis still misses his little girl every day. They both do.

Marrying without their baby was hard.

Living without their baby for seven years has been hard.

When they moved into their new house they framed the picture of their baby because she will always be a part of their lives, no matter where they live.

They still sometimes have bad days; Harry will have to call into the primary school and have a morning off because he’s so wrapped in guilt that he can’t make himself leave their bed for hours. Louis will sit, absorbed in his own mind, for hours silently if he’s having a bad day before falling asleep. It’s been years but it’s still hard, losing their child. They’re getting better though, their hard days still occur but they’re rarer now.

Louis can’t get the thought of having more children out of his head as he looks at the seven year old picture. He watches Harry with Lila and Parker, Liam and Sophia’s 1 year old, and _knows_ how brilliant of a dad he would be. Louis knows that it’s not his decision though when they have a baby, it’s Harry’s body and Harry’s state of mind that matters more than anything.

“Hey Lou, the tea’s ma- Lou?” Harry asks as he strolls into their bedroom, startling Louis. “Hey, hey, what you doing?” Harry asks with a small smile as he sits down next to his husband, looping their arms together as Louis continues to hold the framed photo.

“Dunno, just was thinking ‘bout her and kids and what not whilst at Zayn and Ni’s earlier today.” Louis shrugs almost awkwardly.

“What about kids?” Harry asks.

“Dunno really, just y’know, having them I suppose.” Louis mumbles.

“It’s been seven years hasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” They're silent for a while before Harry takes a deep breath.

“I think it’s time, like, I didn’t know how you felt about the whole having a family thing but like, I want kids soon if that’s okay?” Harry mumbles and he reminds Louis of how he used to be at 16 years old, so shy and awkward. “Like, I’ve been thinking about it for a while y’know? ‘specially since Parker was born. Just, we should be parents of a seven year old daughter right now, and with about three other kids and so stressed but so happy at the same time right? And, and we’re not. We’re happy and stressed and I love you so much, but we don’t have the family we’ve always wanted, and I _know_ it’s me stopping it-“

“Hey, it’s not just you, don’t blame yourself, I’ve been holding out as well y’know?” Louis protests making Harry smile.

“Yeah, okay, sorry. But I have been stopping it because I’ve never been sure if I could carry a baby again, never knew if I could handle the worry and stress and ‘what if’s’ but, but. I think, maybe, if you want to, maybe we could start trying? Like, Louis you’re 27 soon and we still don’t have kids. I said, way back, that it wouldn’t be 10 years until we have children but it bloody looks that way now doesn’t it?” Harry laughs.

“So, so.” Louis takes a deep breath, “You want to get pregnant again?” Harry nods. Louis grins. “Are you sure? 110% sure?”

“Absolutely. ‘m going to be scared as hell and annoying the fuck out of our doctor but, but, I _loved_ being pregnant and I want that again. I want a baby Lou. With you, please.” Louis stares at his husband for a few seconds in shock because the prospect of trying for a baby after so long is scary as hell, before he kisses him gently, still gripping the photo of their first baby.

“Pippa will be a major part of their lives though, yeah? Like they will know about her and we’ll tell stories about you being pregnant with her yeah?” Louis mumbles as Harry nods furiously.

“Of course, of course. Pippa will _always_ be a major part of our lives, thus being a major part of theirs.”

~

“We’re trying for a baby.” Harry grins as he and Zayn sit in Zayn’s living room whilst Lila paints near them. Zayn fucking _beams_.

“Seriously?” Harry nods with an excited smile.

“Have been for a few weeks.”

“No wonder you’ve both been so happy; getting laid all the time.”

“ _Hey_ , we were always getting laid anyway. Now we’ve just got a reason.”

“You’re sure this is what you want though? Sure you’ll be okay?” Zayn asks, worried. Harry has confided in him many times about how he never knew whether he’d be able to have more children, never knew if he could mentally cope with the anxiety of it again.

“I’ve- Lou and I have spoken and I’m feeling much more settled with it. ‘m not so terrified anymore. Obviously I’m still scared after Pippa but we’ve agreed to have very regular check-ups with the doctor and I don’t know- it just seems like the right time? I feel prepared to have more children, it’s been seven years. ‘m not so worried.”

“How’s Lou with all of this?” Zayn asks, grinning over at Niall as he walks into the room and presses a kiss to their daughters head before waving to Harry.

“He- I had been thinking about having more children for the past few months, ‘specially since Parker was born but Louis hadn’t mentioned having a family for a while. He was always just reminding me that we were fine and happy and that he loved me, but never mentioned having more children so I never pushed. Then a few weeks ago we came home from being with you guys and I found him sat on our bed with the ultrasound picture of Pippa later that evening, he said he’d been thinking about babies so I admitted I wanted more and well, here we are.”

“What we talking ‘bout?” Niall asks as he sits on the arm of the sofa behind Zayn.

“Babies.” Zayn grins up at his husband.

“More babies?”

“Not _our_ babies, but Harry and Louis babies.”

“ _What?!_ Does that mean we get to be godparents again? Like soon?” Niall asks with wide eyes.

“Not yet, keep calm.” Harry giggles, “We’re trying, that’s all. It’s been seven years since Pippa and we- we’ve come to terms with losing our baby. We think that the time’s right to have another. _I_ feel okay to get pregnant again, which I never thought I would honestly. I mean, I always said I would have more children in the future but I never felt completely at peace y’know? But now, in the past few months, I do. I honestly do. ‘m scared, but happy as well.”

“I’m so- _fuck_ Harry this is amazing.” Niall grins, squeezing Zayn’s shoulder.

“We’ll see.”

~

It’s five months later, a week before Harry’s 26th birthday, when his alarm goes off and he instantly has to rush for the bathroom to be sick in the toilet. “Hey, hey, I’ve got you.” Louis whispers in his ear as he pushes his hair back for him whilst Harry retches into the toilet bowl.

“I may just, may just be ill.” Harry mumbles minutes later once he’s brushed his teeth, Louis sat on the side of the bath watching him.

“Maybe.” Louis nods. They both share a small smile, trying to not get their hopes up.

~

When Harry’s sick every day for the next two weeks they finally crack and go out to buy a few pregnancy tests once Louis has picked Harry up from the primary school he teaches at. “Just a few, not eight like last time.” Louis says with a small smile as Harry laughs.

“I was terrified then, not so much this time. Well.”

“Hey, c’mon now. No need to be terrified yeah?” Louis says, cupping his chin.

“We’re going to be nervous the whole time, aren’t we?”

“Five months is _rare_. We’re going to take this pregnancy with ease, yes? We’ve got to try and be optimistic.”

“I may not even be pregnant!” Harry says.

“Exactly, c’mon let’s buy these then go home yeah?” Harry nods and Louis kisses him.

(Harry is pregnant. Their doctor tells them that Harry is eight weeks pregnant and that everything is absolutely fine, however he’d like to keep a close eye on him due to their past experience. Neither of them protest.)

~

The pregnancy goes smoothly; when they hit the five month mark neither of them can stop thinking about Pippa but Harry and their second baby are fine.

Harry’s stomach pops when he’s four months pregnant and Louis swears he’s never seen his boy happier than when he has to buy pregnancy clothing; that is until they both go shopping for their baby.

Harry waddles as he walks and Louis finds it _adorable_. Harry pouts when he teases him about it but Louis kisses the pout off of his face, stroking his stomach as he mumbles how beautiful Harry is. Harry loves him a lot.

~

Jasmine Anne Tomlinson is born on August 14th at 5:32am.

“Hey little girl.” Louis says to her whilst Harry sleeps hours later, “I’m your papa. You’ve kept daddy awake for hours so he’s sleeping now, so it’s just me and you for now darling.” Jasmine is tiny in his arms, dressed in a pale peach baby grow and hat. Louis is in awe of his daughter. “I love you so much darling. You’re our second little girl and you’re so beautiful and tiny and I’m going to protect you with my whole heart. Daddy and I love you so much, will protect you against all the bad, especially the crazy Uncle Niall brings with him, because you’re our little, beautiful princess." Louis laughs slightly, " _God_ , you’re so wonderful. You scare me so much but make me the happiest man in the world. Look at you.” Louis coos as he plays with his daughter’s little fists.

“You’re gonna be a wonderful papa.” Harry rasps, startling Louis slightly.

“ _Christ, Haz_. Hey, hey, look who’s awake baby girl. Daddy is. Let's go and sit with daddy shall we? Hey daddy.” Louis grins as he stands and shuffles onto the edge of the bed beside Harry. “Daddy’s awake but he shouldn’t be, baby girl.”

“’m fine.” Harry laughs slightly, shifting slightly with a wince to get comfortable.

“I know, thank god, but you’re exhausted. You need rest.” Louis says with a small frown as he rocks his baby gently.

"I've just slept for a few hours Lou, let me spend time with our _daughter_." Harry smiles, resting his head on Louis' shoulder as he watches their baby girl. "Can't believe she's ours; _our_ baby girl."

"She's so beautiful."

"I know." Harry turns his head to kiss Louis' arm. Louis shifts down the bed gently so that his face is at the same level as Harry's.

"I love you so much H. 'm so happy and it's all because of being married to you and _you_ having our baby girl. You make me the happiest man alive, I can't believe how lucky I am. I love you, I love you, 'm so proud of you, thank you, I love you." Louis mumbles as he edges his face closer to Harry's before kissing him gently, cradling their daughter in his arms.

~

Niall somehow became famous through his music. No one really knows how. One day Louis, Harry, Liam and Zayn were driving around the country as much as they could to watch Niall play in small pubs; the next Niall (and Zayn) were spending a week in London to finalise Niall's record contract and well, the rest is history. They're all known to the public, especially Zayn, due to Niall spending as much time as he can with his husband, best friends and daughter. And then, his goddaughter.

Jasmine is 17 days old when Harry and Louis take her for a stroll down to the local park when a pap snaps a picture of them. They're used to it. It doesn't happen often but when it does they normally brush it off because Niall, Zayn and Lila are constantly putting up with it. Plus, it amuses them considering Harry's just a primary school teacher and Louis is an unknown author (who's doing pretty well under his pseudonym).

"Still don't get why they pap us."

"Maybe they've started to suspect you're that big, unknown author everyone raves about." Harry grins.

"I literally run a cardshop. I doubt they'd suspect me."

"But you are him though."

"Yes, I know." Louis laughs; it was unplanned really. He carried on playing football for another year until they married, then decided to work at Niall's parents cardshop four days a week and sometimes help Niall out with his writing if he asked. One day he started writing a fictional story and now he's got two published and well received novels under a fake name. Plus, a husband and daughter who he adores. Life's pretty good, he thinks as he watches Harry pull faces at Jasmine.

"Daddy, can I hold her? Please?" Lila begs Niall later that evening when she visits her uncles with her dads. Harry's holding Jasmine as Lila sits delicately beside him, looking at the baby in awe.

"'course you can, love." Louis smiles before Niall even has a chance to reply, "Shuffle back into the corner of the sofa so you can't drop her or anything. Right good, now Uncle Haz will pass you her yeah? Be gentle, very very gentle please?" Lila nods, eyes wide as Harry gently places his daughter in her arms.

"She's so small." Lila murmurs making all of them laugh, "Even smaller than Parker."

"She's very young, love."

"Tiny." Lila murmurs before moving to whisper into Jasmine's ear. Louis looks over at Harry to catch his husband already looking at him with a soft grin, which he reciprocates, before looking over at his best friends who are both knelt in front of their daughter and niece, Zayn's arm slung around Niall's shoulders as he quickly presses a kiss to Niall's forehead. It's disgustingly cute.

When Jasmine starts to fidget in Lila's arms Harry takes the baby from her, pressing a quick kiss to both girls' foreheads before sitting gently on the other sofa, resting his long legs on the edge of the coffee table as he rocks his daughter in his arms, pulling silly faces at her. "Calm down on the fond Lou." Niall jokes as Louis watches his family.

"Don't be a hypocrite." Louis replies, not taking his eyes off of his exhausted husband and daughter. Louis notices Zayn walk over to them with Lila in his arms out of the corner of his eye but he's too focused on his family; his beautiful boy and tiny princess.

~

"Harry, you not drinking tonight?" Robin asks with a raised eyebrow as the waiter puts a diet coke in front of Harry.

"Before any of you get any ideas, we have four kids, we don't need more." Harry says, "'m just not feeling like drinking is all, 'specially with having to go home to hyper active kids in a few hours." Harry shrugs with a soft smile at Louis, who is grinning at Harry as he locks their ankles together under the table.

"They'll be asleep!"

"Ed's babysitting them. _Ed._ If there is anyone who can hype my children up more than Louis, Niall or Gemma, it's Ed." Harry laughs.

"Hey!" Gemma and Louis whine.

"Don't even start." Harry sighs, ignoring Zayn's elbow nudges. He's always been too observant for his own good.

"Think 'm thankful that Parker literally ignores Niall's attempts to make him hyper." Sophia smiles, "Toby on the other hand though-"

"Is Niall reincarnated, I swear to god." Liam sighs, shaking his head at his grinning best friend.

"I can't even be bothered to deny these accusations; I like to get your kids hyped up then leave. Makes me feel powerful."

"You're a dick." Louis laughs.

"You can't have a go at Niall when you're just as bad!" Harry laughs, sipping his drink. He loves and adores his children but three out of four of them definietly took after the Tomlinson side of the family; bless Holland for being just like Harry at six years old. At least Harry has some sanity in his household.

"They're always angels for us." Anne chimes in with a smug smile.

"That's because you're their nanna and grandad who spoil them bloody rotten and doesn't yell at them. Us on the other hand."

"At least Jaz isn't at the teenage years yet. They're fun, trust me." Zayn says, raising his eyebrows before drinking his whiskey in one.

"Yes, because _that_ looked like the appropriate reaction to 'fun'." Louis says with raised eyebrows at his best friend.

"Jaz is 14 in 4 years. Enjoy now while it lasts. Soon it's periods and boys and makeup and a whole lot of dramatics." Zayn laughs slightly.

"I wanna say he's being dramatic, but."

"He's really not." Anne laughs, "Gemma was a nightmare."

" _Mum_. Can we not, not tonight when we're celebrating Niall's successful fifth number one album!"

"You're just trying to change the subject." Niall sings.

"Harry why are you friends with a famous person if they don't want to constantly talk about themselves? _Useless_." Gemma frowns at her brother as the rest of the table laugh.

"Love ya Gem."

"Fuck off Niall." Gemma grins just as the waiter approaches with their food. As Anne and Liam help point the waiters to who's having what Zayn leans over to whisper into Harry's ear,

"A fifth one eh? That means a sixth as well because Louis always said he's never having an uneven number." Harry freezes before turning to glare at him; both him and Niall are grinning smugly.

"I fucking hate you. Both." Harry hisses.

"You owe me 20 quid babe." Niall whispers to Zayn.

"You were _betting_?!"

"'course. I said end of the year, but Louis obviously couldn't keep his dic-"

"Harry, food!" His mum interrupts breaking his attention away from Zayn, thrusting a plate at him.

"Sorry, sorry." Harry mumbles, taking the plate from her. Zayn and Niall are now talking in excited hushed whispers so he looks over to Louis, who's ankle is still tangled with his, and watches him for a short while whilst he talks to Sophia and Robin.

He discreetly rests his hand over his stomach while he sips his drink; another baby. Jasmine is now 10 years old, a terror and exactly like her father Jay tells him every time she visits. Holland and Zack are 6 year old twins and the complete opposite of each other; Zack is sporty, cheeky and can be a troublemaker whereas Holland is slightly cheeky but prefers being with her father’s rather than causing mayhem, it's refreshing having one child take after him Harry thinks. Kenzie is 3 years old and already cheeky as hell, has the same grin as Louis meaning that Harry has to work bloody hard to not give into him all the time.

Louis' fourth novel is doing really well, just like his other three, but this one has been published in his name, something he decided to do 10 months ago and discussed with Harry. Harry's thankful the paps aren't as intrusive with writers as they are with solo artists like Niall; although he does find it weird when he sees pictures in magazines or online of him doing the school run or kissing Louis in the park whilst their children play.

All in all, everything's pretty damn good.

As the night draws to a close a few hours later, after Niall has thanked Harry's parents for taking them all out to dinner ("You honestly didn't have to!"

"Niall, we've known you since you were four, of course we did!" Anne insisted and when Niall had attempted to argue back Zayn slipped an arm around his shoulders and whispered something that none of them ever want to know what in his ear making him shut up), Harry is starting to feel tired, something which has followed him through all of his pregnancies.

"Boys, want to join me at the local pub for a beer or two before we call it a night?" Robin asks them as they all shrug their coats on to leave; Louis immediately wraps his arm around Harry’s waist making him grin. He’s only a few weeks pregnant but Louis worries from the word go, always has done through-out Harry’s pregnancies, so he keeps as close as he can to Harry. Harry finds it endearing.

"'m good thanks, exhausted, gonna go home and make sure the rascals are asleep, or in bed at least." Harry declines with a smile, ignoring the pointed look his mother's sending him. Everyone's too damn observent for his liking, but he knows none of them will intrude (other than Zayn, Liam and Niall because they know no bounds) after what happened with Pippa.

"Alright then. Lou?"

"Eh-" Louis looks at his husband.

"Go, 'm fine on my own."

"They're terrors-"

"I've done it plenty of times before. Go. I'll see you when you're home." Harry smiles, planting a kiss on Louis' lips.

"That settles that, Zayn? Niall? Liam? Sophia?” Sophia and Liam nod, Niall and Zayn refuse.

"You feeling alright?" Louis asks as they drive towards the pub near their house.

"Mm. Just tired. Wanna lay down." Harry smiles, turning into the carpark. "Zayn and Niall know."

"Meaning Liam will soon."

"They're too bloody nosey."

"'course they are, it's pay back." Louis grins before leaning over to cup Harry's face once he's parked. "If you need me, feel pain or _anything_ , you bloody call me alright?"

"'course, now go get drunk with Robin. I'll see you when you’re home."

"Won't get drunk." Louis mumbles making Harry laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, have fun love." Harry grins kissing Louis softly.

"Can't believe we're having another kid. Our sixth one."

"Love you so much. We're bloody lucky people." Harry mumbles against Louis' lips and Louis doesn't argue because he can't.

~

Harry's lying on the sofa in complete darkness except from the glare of the TV when Louis stumbles home two hours later, trying to be quiet yet giggling when he nearly falls over twice. Harry smiles fondly at his drunk husband as he collapses on top of him. "Love love love you so much Haz. My brave, beautiful, dork of a husband. So so brave and lovely and wonderful and mine." Louis mumbles repeatedly before singing, " _Love_ you." as loud as he can making Harry cackle.

"C'mon babe, let's go to bed yeah?" Harry asks as Louis basically falls off of him. Louis raises an eyebrow, "No, you're drunk. Bed as in sleep." Louis sighs before making grabby hands for his husband,

"You're no fun anymore, that's how the twins were conceived."

"We were _both_ drunk you twat." Harry laughs quietly as he guides Louis, who is babbling nonsense, up the stairs carefully. He loves this idiot a lot.

~

Louis comes downstairs slowly and with a groan at 9am the following morning, sitting at the breakfast bar and slumping his head on his arms with a groan as their children squeal in the lounge.

"How bad?"

"7." Louis mumbles so Harry grabs the painkillers from the cabinet and some water and puts them beside his husband, kissing his shoulder as he passes. They devised this scale when Harry started studying at University. "Why are our kids so loud at 9am, oh my god?"

"Because they take after the hung over idiot sat at my breakfast bar, that's why." Harry smiles, watching the kids through the open door before turning to Louis who is drinking the last of his water.

"Didn't even hear you get up this morning."

"Was quiet, didn't want to wake you. I've done it many times before, being sick for weeks on end, one morning without you wasn't going to hurt." Harry shrugs with a smile.

"God I love you." Louis mumbles before groaning when Zack yells at Jasmine.

"Love you too, I’ll be back." Harry rushes before walking into the lounge to sort out whatever argument their children have already managed to start at _9am_.

As Louis watches Harry talk to their children, sorting the argument out quickly then playing with them for a couple of minutes, he cannot help but miss his oldest daughter, wondering whether she'd be laughing at her younger siblings or sitting quietly with a sleepy Holland watching the TV or even sat next to him, hung over as well. Harry turns back to look over his shoulder at his husband and rolls his eyes fondly before focusing back on their children.

Louis knows he got lucky, that he strucked out on luck because he has the most wonderful, loving family, but he still misses his eldest daughter every day.

He always wondered, since Pippa, how Harry would have been raising children. Now he gets to experience it for the fifth time and he cannot wait.

~

They have another set of twins, August and Willow, and they remain their youngest children. Louis kisses Harry's sweaty face repeatedly as the doctor tells them that their new little girls are fine and healthy; he knows he's the luckiest man alive to have a husband and family as great as he does.

"Grow old with me." Harry whispers to Louis as he places August and Willow into Harry's arms. Louis kisses him.

~

“Why were the twins born during December? It’s fucking impossible to buy birthday wrapping paper, I _swear_ to god.” Louis grumbles, tugging his scarf tighter as an attempt to keep the cold away.

“Now you know why I always bought wrapping paper in October for you and the twins.”

“Well why didn’t you this year?!” Louis groans as he clutches at Harry’s hands.

“Sorry did you forget the part where I gave fucking birth to your daughters?” Harry glares, tugging Louis through the late crowds of London, surprised people are still desperately shopping at 11pm five days before Christmas. Then again, so are they.

“Fuck off.”

“Look Tesco’s is open, they should have some.” Harry says, tugging his husband into the open supermarket.

“Warmth.” Louis moans as he follows Harry to the back to the shop, getting strange looks from an elderly couple. “They better have some Haz, we’ve already been to Waitrose and Asda, I just wanna go home.”

“I don’t think they do- wait, no, they do! Got a few last rolls!” Harry says triumphantly, dropping to his knees expertly as he digs through the last few rolls of birthday wrapping paper.

“Thank fuck. I love our kids wholeheartedly but I just want my bed.” Louis says, leaning against an empty shelf as Harry pulls out a few rolls of wrapping paper, grinning at sleepy people walking around the shop, happier at the prospect of going to sleep in the next hour. Harry stands and kisses Louis happily, before dragging him home to their warm house and letting Liam go home back to his.

The next morning they wake up to a photo message of an article in The Sun newspaper from Louis’ mother, with photos attached from their late shopping trip.

_From: **mum xx** you two are awful. worst prepared than u were at 17 years old. (tell h i had spare he could’ve used to wrap) xxx_

Louis giggles and kisses his husband good morning, “’orning.”

“What?”

“Mum said we’re useless.”

“I was preoccupied in October!”

“She had some spare we could’ve used.”

“Oh for fuck-“ Harry’s cut off from August, then Willow, crying. “You get them. ‘m going to shower, been up with them half the night.”

“Love you.” Louis grins, he can’t even remember hearing his daughters crying in the night.

“My Christmas present to you that was.”

“I can remember some better Christmas presents that involved this bed.” Louis frowns whilst slipping some joggers on as Harry rolls his eyes, rocking Willlow’s basket softly to calm her down.

“Feed our daughters or you’ll never get a present like that again.”

“As if you’d keep to that promise babe!” Louis laughs as Harry pads towards the bathroom, flipping off his husband as he walks away. “Your daddy’s lying. He’s so silly baby girl. Isn’t he silly? The silliest. I love him rather a lot, ridiculous amounts. Yes I do.” Louis grins, playing with his daughter’s foot.

“Stop talking about our sex life with our two month old!” Harry calls making Louis cackle.

“Love him really a bloody lot.” Louis whispers to his daughter as he picks her up out of her basket, before holding Willow in his other arm just as he hears the tiny footsteps of some of his other children outside their bedroom. “Come in!”

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it through, congrats, i love u!!!  
> please feel free to message me and leave kudos (ha. subtle, right?)  
> i hope this hasn't offended anyone or hurt anyone and if there are any inconsistencies that bother you i would really appreciate a comment so i can fix them please!!!  
> i wrote this weeks ago but have been reading then re-reading it, trying to get all mistakes out of it so i swear to god if there are any i'll probably cry ha  
> i cannot believe i've finally posted it wow  
> (also can u believe how much chill harry and louis have lost irl recently wow i love it)  
> thank u so much for reading  
> ♡  
> i hope you love pregnant harry as much as i do now ha  
> 


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